The next step.

    I went back to see my doctor yesterday and I have officially started treatment for IVF. At first I was a bit confused since the only medication I was actually given was birth control pills. Totally makes since right? If your trying to get pregnant and your husband is currently in a different country, you go on birth control. 

    After asking why I would need to take birth control she explained that they need to control every step of this cycle and the birth control will ensure that I do not start to ovulate before they want me to. I will take one pill for seven days then two pills for four days then go to the single pink pills for seven days. On April 18th I will have to return to the doctor to receive the next round of medication, most likely more self given injections to the stomach. YIPPEE!! I am a huge fan of needles!, I would rather stub my toe in the middle of the night on my way back from the bathroom then even think about getting a needle! Better yet, my husband will still be away so I will have to give them to myself! Last time Jeff had to give them to me, I could barely even look, let alone grab it and inject myself. 

    Anyway so that's the latest update for now. On the road with a long way to go. 

Any

No luck.

So this month proved to be vastly unsuccessful. Our "schedule" got slightly interrupted because of a semi emergency surgery needed by my wonderfully protagonistic husband. I say wonderful because I am trying my best to put a positive spin on a situation that could have otherwise been avoided.

Even if our schedule had not been interrupted by a hospital stay, I am not completely convinced that this would have been "the month." I had purchased multiple ovulation predictor tests before flying her this year, and not one of them gave me a positive result. Forcing me to accept to the wisdom of our doctor who continuously tried to drill in the fact that although my ovaries produce eggs, they do not always muster up whatever is needed to actually cause ovulation. Can I please note that I am not one to relinquish my fanciful ideas of a perfect conception story lightly, but I will if that means doing what is necessary to reach our goals.

Our doctor wants us to have the best possible chance for a healthy pregnancy, as do we, so today we are going back to see her to start our IVF cycle. Just saying it out loud is overwhelmingly scary. IVF is a HUGE step that I never thought we would have to come close to taking. As nervous as I am, I know that this is our best, and one of our last options. So I will bravely, or more accurately muster up enough fake smiles to give the facade of bravery, to endure all of the needles, blood work and all to personal ultrasounds to reach our goal of expanding our family.

Ready, Set, Coitis.

Jeff and I had to go back to the doctor again on Thursday to find out if our follicle is mature enough to try to conceive. After a quick ultrasound, the doctor determined that my follicle had not grown as much as she would have liked, which could mean one of two things.

 1. The egg might not be mature enough to ovulate.

 2. There is no actual egg in the follicle. 

She said that it was fine to go ahead and try to see if we could conceive on our own, but she didn't seem very hopeful. Might I add that there is nothing more awkward then having to sit in front of a doctor that barely speaks the same language as she tells you she has "decided your coitis dates" What happened to good old fashioned romance and too much wine? 

Anyway, if this cycle does not result in a pregnancy, then we are going to move onto IVF. Because of my hormone levels being so horribly off, and the abnormal shape of my uitrus, she believes this will be the best chance for us to conceive a healthy baby.  She explained that I would go back to see her on March 30th and I would start my 20 days of hormone therapy. 20 DAYS!!! REALLY!!! Is that even normal?

When I got home I decided to do a little research on the IVF process since I obviously have no idea what it entails. I was shocked to learn that I might have to give myself up to seven different injections a day, depending on our course of treatment. For someone who is afraid of needles, this was not a high point. But I will do whatever it takes for us to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I am still not sure as to the exact number of days that a normal cycle involves, but I am sure I will learn more about the process with more research. 

As for now, I will cross my fingers that something might happen on it's own this month. It really would be an ideal time to not only conceive but to deliver. If I am back home in the states still, at least Jeff could come home for Christmas break and hopefully be there for the birth of our second child.

Try Try Try Again

So today Jeff and I went back to the doctor to talk about our options for trying to get pregnant again. Or at least I thought we were there to just talk. Before I even had a chance to get comfortable, the nurse came over with the world's tiniest Dixie cup for me to pee in. Next time I will have to bring my camera because these smaller then shot glass cups are something to remember. 

Not long after that the nurse came out to get me again, but this time to bring me behind the infamous little curtain in the corner to get ready for an internal ultrasound. YIPPEE!!!! At least I didn't forget the slippers this time.

I'm not sure if it was because it's only been a little less then two months since the surgery, but oh my goodness it hurt!!! I ended up having to ask her to stop, but she didn't seem to concerned. Before she was finished, she did discover that I am ovulating on my own!! From the left side!!! Unfortunately because of the amount of pain the ultrasound wand caused me, I hardly doubt that Jeff and I will be trying to take advantage of this opportunity. I hate to just see this tiny egg wasted, but I just don't think I am physically ready. 

On another good note, the doctor was all for Cryogenically freezing Jeff's "sample" when he leaves so that we do not have to put off trying in April. She also wants us to move ahead with IVF because of  the MRI I had done a month ago. Apparently she thinks there is a little more to "consider" then the doctor who performed the test, but we will go over that more next time. Until then, we have a lot to talk about. At least this was a start.

Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne (lyrics)

The more I think about starting over and trying again, the more I realize what is gone. I want to start over, but I don't want to forget about what was. It was real for me. I was in love. I will always be in love with our baby who slipped away.