Second Beta test

So today, despite being crazy tired, my husband and I decided to drive back to Bangor to get some much needed things done. (Applying for our insurance back for starters). Anyway while we were there, our insurance provider stated that they needed proof of due date for medical reasons. They then refurred us to another doctor's office who then sent us to a lab to get another blood draw. I was so happy when they told us this because I really want to make sure that my levels are still going up. So 13 days past ovulation and 8 days past transfer and almost 48 hours since my first blood test, my bets hcg level is at 58.0. I really hope this is a good number!!! 

Even more exciting is that we found out our due date is March 10, 2013!!! Sounds like the perfect day to have a baby!! Now this will change if we are carrying more then one, but for now I am holding onto that date and trying to pour every good thought and prayer into making sure that sometime around the 10th, we have a healthy happy baby! 

Tomorrow a friend of mine who has been on this same journey is going in for her first blood test, so please also pray for her to get GOOD NEWS!!!!!

Beta test and Results

The day before we left Korea, I returned to the doctor one last time for my beta test. Before going in to get poked with one last needle, we were called in to talk to the doctor. She wanted to see how I was feeling since the transfer and say her goodbyes to us. It was so hard not to break down and cry right there in her office. I have never been good with goodbyes, but this was even more difficult. We had become really close to our doctor and the nurses who had worked so hard with us over the past year to try and help grow our family. How do you say thank you enough for something like that.

After leaving her office we walked to the other side of the room so I could get my blood drawn. The nurse was very nice and explained first that it was still very early and that the test may not show anything at this time. She then started to draw my blood however missed my vein, repeatedly!! I wish so much that once someone missed, that they would just start over. There is nothing I hate more then having them wiggle the needle around trying to get the vein back! 

Finally after what seemed like forever, she finally took the needle out, apologized profusely and started over, trying to find a vein on the back of my hand. While that area hurt a little more, she was able to get it on the first try. 

After leaving our phone number with her and being told that she would call in about four hours, we left the fertility hospital for the last time. I could not help but to cry most of the way home knowing that I was also saying goodbye to our 8 little frozen embryos that had to stay behind. Knowing that they are being well cared for and knowing that we are all going to work hard at trying to find a way to get them back to the US was the only way I could force myself to walk away from them. Although thinking about them still makes me very emotional. 

The next few hours seemed so much longer then the days since the transfer. Knowing that one phone call was going to tell us if our hard work over the past year was worth it, or if we were leaving behind possibilities and dreams, it was almost unbearable. 

To make matters worse, Jeff told me the day before that he did not want to know the answer ether way. That he was stressed enough with getting home and he could not handle the idea of leaving if it did not work. So I agreed to wait until after we were back in our own house to tell him. Thankfully I had my wonderful friend to share the news with so that I was not alone.

To my surprise the hospital called after only a few hours. As soon as I saw the number pop up on the phone, I went into the other room where I knew Jeff would not be able to hear me. I was surprised just how scared I was to answer the phone, but once I did, our favorite nurses voice came over the line and calmed me down. She wanted to say her goodbyes to us since she was too busy while we were there. Then she handed the phone to the doctor. Because the doctor had NEVER talked to us over the phone, I knew the news would not be good. She told us again how sad she was to see us go, and that she had to call us herself with the news that we ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!! I made her repeat it over and over until if finally sunk in because it is not the answer that I was expecting. She told us that she made them rush my test first and that she was so excited when she got the results and had to call herself. Even though we are only 12 days past ovulation and 6 days past our transfer of 5 day frozen embryos, my beta level came back as 35!! At first I was really nervous that it was such a low number, but my doctor was very reassuring that it was a strong number for this early. She also told me that if I was able to go to the doctor, I should have my levels redrawn 48 hours from now to make sure the number is rising. She also told me to try and get an ultrasound by July 13 to make sure there was a strong heartbeat or heartbeats!! Hear I was thinking that 35 was a low number and she was explaining that I still have a high chance of carrying more then one baby!! I pray that this is true, but I will be happy and blessed if we only have one. 

After finally hanging up the phone I had to compose myself before going in to help cook lunch with Jeff. I had no idea how I was not going to run in there and blurt it out, let alone not have it read all over my face. So, I walked into the kitchen and didn't say anything. I helped him cook, made sure not to smile and after eating, went back to packing. It was excruciating, but I managed not to tell him. 

Thankfully though I did have the other person who has been there every step of this process with us to tell. When she finally got back to the dorm several hours after I found out, I told her to come right to my room. Before giving her the news I sent Jeff away and Tyson in the shower. I also asked her to get rid of the needles that I had been using because I didn't want to just throw them into the trash. After collecting them for her, I told her that I was so happy to leave on a happy note because I was PREGNANT!!!! As soon as I got the words out she started to cry and gave me a huge hug. We both stood there, holding each other and crying for what seemed like forever. (But never long enough) Finally after over 6 years of trying and one year spent working so hard, we are finally pregnant!! I honestly couldn't imagine anything better then being able to share this news with her before having to say goodbye. Despite starting out with happy tears from wonderful news, the tears quickly turned to ones of pain. Having to say goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. How do you say goodbye to someone who has become not just a friend, but apart of your family!! I felt like I was saying goodbye to my sister, someone who I loved and someone who I knew I may never see in person again. My heart was happy, but so sad at the same time. 

Before leaving I had written her a note that said almost everything that I wanted to say to her, knowing that I could never get it out in person. Our last day out in Deagu I gave it to her. It simply stated that I could never thank her enough for everything that she had done for us and how sad I was to say goodbye. In the letter I told her that I could never thank her enough and when I tried to think of something to give her for all that she had done, nothing seemed to be enough. Finally after many long nights of talking, I finally asked Jeff if I could ask her to help us by giving our baby or babies their middle name. She is so much of the reason why I am pregnant right now and to make sure she knew how much she really and truly is involved, we want her help in giving them a Korean name so that they know where they were conceived and who helped bring them into the world.

So the goodbyes are done, we are back home and we are PREGNANT!!!! I will make another post to tell you how I ended up telling Jeff that he is going to be a Daddy again! Until then, I have lots of cleaning, unpacking and resting to do.  I will also be praying for our friends who will be getting their beta test results tomorrow!!

Traveling home.

After a very long 29 hours of traveling, we finally made it safe and sound back in the US. Despite the long hours and very little sleep, the trip home was relatively smooth. I thought we were going to run into quite a bit of trouble on at least two of our flights after finding out that none of us were seated anywhere near each other, but thankfully the airlines and other passengers were very accommodating in moving seats around so that we were together.

The first plane that we ran into this problem was on our longest flight from Tokyo to Chicago where we were seated no where near each other. Because the flight was going to be over 11 hours, and I hate flying, I knew there was no way I could handle not having my family next to me. Once we arrived at the airport and asked to be moved, we learned that there were no more seats available together in coach, so to get us all together we ended up having to get moved up to business class. After landing I told Jeff that it was probably a good thing that we were not going back because after that, there was no way I could go back to coach on that long of a flight. 

The second flight that we were not seated together was the short ride from Philadelphia to Bangor. I could handle not being with Jeff, but the idea of having Tyson on the opposite end of the plane made me a bit upset. Because they had oversold the plane, they were really struggling to find a way for us to sit together. Finally the called the passenger sitting next to Tyson up to the counter. After a short wait, an older gentleman came up and we asked if he would be willing to switch seats so that I could sit with my son. He then stated that he had had the worst day of air traveling of his life and he was really not wanting to move. I told him that I understood completely and that I didn't want to make his day any worse. I did however ask if he would mind helping our son if he needed it. That since it was his fourth plane ride of the day and he was feeling a bit air sick, could he please help him remove the tap from the air sick bag if he became ill. Now I know deep down in his heart hearing this made he feel sorry for my little boy and he wanted to make sure that he was with his Mommy if he wasn't feeling well because as soon as asked for his help, he was delighted to move. Oh what a mother has to do to help our her child. 

After landing in Bangor and being greeted by lots of family, it was finally time for a good old fashion American meal before heading home. What could be more American than Olive Garden lol. I do have to say that it was so nice to look at a menu and not try to figure out what came with some sort of tentacles! 

After another hour or so ride home, we finally arrived back at our house. I was so happy to see my little home until I walked through the door! While abroad, we hired someone to come in and work on our house and I couldn't believe the mess left behind! Everything in every room is covered in a thick layer of construction dust and every room that has been worked in, now has it's belongings scattered throughout the entire house. With the amount of unpacking, cleaning and organizing that I have to do, it is probably going to take me the better part of 2 or 3 weeks to put my house back together. 

Dispite that, I am just so happy to finally be home, where I can walk around in my pj's and not worry about having to deal with anyone that I don't want to. Where family is around the corner and food comes in more variety, with less tentacles.

How to pass time during the 2ww

I though I would put together a fun list of things to keep you busy during the dreaded 2 week wait. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed putting it together. 

At least it helped pass another few hours for me. :)

#1. Resting in bed, especially the first day or so after transfer.

#2. Catch up on your favorite shows or watch a good movie. 

(If your husband or partner is not one to give up control of the remote, simply remind them that you are the one trying to create a human.)  

#3. Read a good book.

 (I hear 50 Shades of Gray is good, but it might be too steamy for relaxing. Also laughing has been proven to help with implantation so if you want a HILARIOUS pregnancy book, 

try Jenny Mccarthy's Belly Laughs)
 .

#4.Hide your husband or partner's cell phone. After a while call it and let it ring only once or twice until they find it.

(Only try this if you are married to someone with a really GOOD since of humor.)

#5. Play cards or a game with your husband or partner.

(If they catch you cheating, you can try to blame your baby brain, although it may be a tad bit early for that)

#6.See how many flavors of Ben and Jerry's ice cream you can name. Then come with your own flavor.

#7.Take up crocheting or knitting so you can start making some cute baby blankets.

(This blanket took me several hours at least)

#8. Repeat the same word over and over again until it looses all meaning.  Hedgehog, Hedgehog, Hedgehog, Hedgehog, Hedgehog, Hedgehog, Hedgehog, Hedgehog......

#9. Play Draw Something with friends with your ipad, ipod or Kindle Fire. 

(I am sure there are other ways to play, I just don't know of them)

#10. Ask for a foot rub or even a back rub.

(You need to be pampered after all so you stay nice and calm)
.

#11. Paint your nails and play around with facial masks. Although watch out if your doing it at night and have young kids. I scared my son half to death when he walked into my room after a bad dream.

 (Shhhh don't tell him that I laughed after he left) 

#12. Coloring isn't just for kids! I got out my son's coloring books and crayons and had a blast reliving my own childhood. 

#13. If your like me and like to make lists, now is the perfect time. I made pages of lists of everything that had to be done around this house here, around my house home and everything that I might need for a new baby.

#14. Don't forget the always import getting LOTS of sleep! Your body needs lots of rest while it's trying to create a baby. At least until morning sickness has you up early. 

#15. Try not to think about penguins. Really.......................................................................................................

Your thinking about them aren't you?

#16. It's a good time to start learning lullabies and cute songs. I suggest this one for starters....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCv7mbyoVUw&list=PLCE7E0363B6651D00&index=11&feature=plpp_video

Once your off bed rest you can try these other activities to keep busy.

#1. Go for a walk.

(Soon enough walking will be uncomfortable and you will have to pee too often to get very far)

#2. Go out to a movie, but remember even in those early weeks you may need to use the restroom more often so get the small drink.

#3. Spend time with friends, although if they do not yet know that you are on the 2ww, it can be very hard not to just blurt out the news.  

(I broke down twice)

#4. Walk around baby stores and see all the amazing new products out there. Just keep in mind that they will probably be old news by the time your little one arrives 

(hopefully in about 38 weeks!!).

 (In my case we walked around the mall here and cringed at the idea of spending 45$ on a ONSIE!!)

#5. Time to get to all those chores that you have been putting off. Clean our your closet, after all it's never too early to get ready for maternity clothes!

(My time was spent packing after putting it off for weeks, I had no choice)

#6. Start a new hobby or learn something new such as a new language.

(Although I would keep the dream of becoming a circus performer or shark tamer on the back burner for just a little while longer)

#7. Start a journal, blog or some other way of recording the process and how you are feeling each step of the way. Trust me, in a few months after many sleepless nights, your brain will eradicate all things that are not necessary to sustain life.

#8. Time to learn how to use your camera! I mean really learn it because there is nothing more frustrating then missing the perfect photo and you really don't want to have to wait until your child's college graduation to get out their birth announcement. 

#9. Make a list of everyone that you want to tell and when, after you finally get that Big Fat Positive!! You wouldn't want to leave out Uncle Dick and have him insist later on that you name the baby after him because he was the last to know.

#10. Collect paint samples from your local paint store and try to agree on a nursery color now. There's nothing like showing off your finished nursery when your baby is 3 years old.

#11. Explore Pinterest and Zulily .

#12. Make sock puppets.

#13. Master at least 4 tong-tie-poems such as saying Toy Boat 5 times fast.

#14. Relax, stop stressing over the uncontrollable or every possible pregnancy symptom. Allow yourself to be positive and enjoy the possibilities that this could really be the time that everything worked out.

Feeling down :(

Trying to stay positive isn't easy during the long 2ww, but today my positive thoughts are few and far between. I woke up this morning with a headache, one of my almost fail proof signs of my impending AF showing up. That paired with the almost constant cramps and my hopes for this cycle finally working are going downhill fast. 

I know cramping in early pregnancy is normal, and can even be a good sign, but these cramps feel so much like normal AF cramps that I just can't see them as something positive. It is to the point where I am avoiding going to the bathroom like the plague, as if I might be able to hold off the truth by not seeing first hand that AF has arrived. 

I am still trying to hold onto hope and praying like crazy, but right now my mood is low. I finally broke down and told Jeff about the pains and he looked so sad. Like I had taken all of his hope away too. 

I am going to spend the remainder of the day in bed resting, hoping that maybe the cramps are just a sign of pushing myself too hard today. 

Please if you are reading this, please help us pray that these cramps are not the sign of AF coming but the sign that everything is changing because were pregnant. I want so badly for this to work, my heart hurts at the idea that it might not.

Frozen Embryo Transfer Day!!!!

I just got home a short while ago from my first FET and I couldn't be more excited!! I was still a bit sad that Jeff was once again unable to be there, but at least the room was filled with other women going through the same thing. It just felt safe in a way, to know that I was not alone and to know that we were all there for a common purpose. This time I did not find someone who spoke enough English to really talk to, but my Kindle Fire kept me company instead. 

Today we transferred three 5 or 6 day Embryos, depending on where you count from. (Collected on a Wednesday, frozen on a Monday, thawed today) Now I was still not given any kind of a grade on the embryos, but all three are already in the hatching stage!!!! I couldn't believe what I was seeing when they first came into view on the little screen. At first I could not understand just what I was seeing, but once my eyes adjusted a little more, I could see that all three were already hatching and the doctor said they were very strong and doing amazingly. They had survived the thaw with no issues and showed signs of growth! YAH!! Below is a photo of your amazing little babies!! 

Because we are leaving on the 28th, we have to cut our 2ww short. Instead of going in at 10 days past FET, we are going to go in on day 6 for a beta test. This might be too soon to detect anything, so if it is a negative result, I know that I can still hope for the best and retest when I get back to the US. 

Yes I know it's not a real heart, but I still think it is a good sign!

 Anyone reading our blog, please pray along with us that this works this time around. Five years is a long time to be missing a piece of your family and working so hard to bring them into your arms. Thank you!!

Counting down the days with exciting news!!

We have 8 more days here in Korea before we start the long 26 hour journey home. I am sad to leave a country where it is so safe young children can be seen crossing busy streets alone, or hopping on the nearest subway car. Where the people are so friendly and the views are breath taking. However I am not sad to leave behind the smells of the sewers, the mixture of sweat, kimchi and cigarettes that seems to come from everywhere or taxi drivers who believe they are driving bumper cars. 

 Not wanting to take anything easy, this week also holds more big milestone, ones that I am very excited for. I wanted to share this earlier, but I also wanted to make sure that it was really going to happen before doing so. 

The day after receiving the phone call that our fresh IVF cycle did not work, our wonderful friend who has been there for every step of this process, called my doctors office to find out what we could do next. After being told that we would have to wait at least one cycle before trying a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), our friend talked with our favorite nurse at the hospital and the two of them were able to convince our doctor to allow us to try one last time before leaving. This would require changing our original plane tickets at a moderate expense, but just the idea of being able to have one more go at this before leaving means the world to me. 

So, tomorrow I am going into the hospital at 10:30 am for a FET with three 5 day embryos. I am a little nervous that all three might implant, but if they do, we will welcome each of them with open arms and loving hearts!

We have decided to keep the news of our FET a secret from our family and son until we hopefully have good news and strong heartbeats. I just hate the idea of disappointing everyone around us again. I know everyone has gotten their hopes up almost as high as we have, and having to be the one to tell them it didn't work, or that we lost the baby is not something I want to repeat again. So today my hopes are high, my nerves are a mess and I am trying to stay busy packing with fingers crossed, prayers being said, and superstitious good luck objects being collected. It' can't hurt to cover all bases right?

Today was suppose to be the day that we left Korea and headed back home to Maine. However that is no longer the case. We are now staying in Daegu until the 28th of July. While I am really sad about not going home, I am really looking forward to spending some time just traveling around Korea and seeing things that we have overlooked. Every time we planed a vacation, it was to one of the surrounding countries, never taking the time to appreciate what is around us. With Tyson no longer going to summer school, he will also have the opportunity to enjoy this time with us. Hopefully we can make many more memories before heading back home.

It also gives us more time to pack everything that we have accumulated over the past two years. Because we are almost out of suitcase room, we will be shipping much of it home. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what we want to keep and what we want to donate.

Tyson is now a Kindergarten Graduate!

I am so proud of him!!

Hope VS. Faith

HOPE and FAITH are in so many ways the same. Both HOPE and FAITH are there to give us strength when we need it most. They are there when we are facing a situation in our lives where we desire a certain outcome or need help in coping with events that life throws at us. They are there to give us a since of peace over not having absolute control and yet at the same time HOPE and FAITH are so vastly different.

When I think of the word HOPE, I think of not giving up on a dream. In believing that something might happen in a way that I would like . HOPE by it's very definition is,

A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

HOPE gives us something to hold onto. Something positive to wish for. Hope is meant for shooting stars and pennies in wishing wells. If you loose hope, then I believe you have given up on a dream. You have given up your positive outlook and have lost the will to work at making things happen.

FAITH on the other hand is something that you give yourself over to. Something that you believe in wholeheartedly. FAITH by it's definition is,

Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Complete trust in God that he knows what is best in your life. To know that when you pray for strength he will give you a situation in witch you can be strong. To know when you pray for a happy outcome, that he will open your eyes to everything around you that makes you happy. To know when you pray for understanding that he might never give you the answers, but he will be there guiding you to a place of acceptance.

FAITH is not something that happens without work. Even though we all try to give ourselves over to it completely, it is something that needs almost constant affirmation. FAITH is not something easily obtained, it's not easy to readily accept a hire power's will over our lives. That we have very little control over events good or bad. Even if you do not believe in the same God that I do or even believe in a God, FAITH is always there for anyone. FAITH isn't judgemental, it isn't cruel or spiteful. FAITH doesn't want you to fail, or to give up. FAITH wants your absolute trust in knowing that thing will happen the way your life's path decides. Good or bad, every life event is there to create the person you are meant to be. FAITH is there when the most unspeakable events happen in life. It's there to comfort in a way that reminds you that our lives are not in our hands. We can not prevent bad things from happening but we can have FAITH that we are not alone in dealing with the outcome. FAITH to me is a trust that you must have fully or not at all. There is not middle ground with FAITH, unlike with HOPE where your desire can change as fast as the passing breeze, FAITH demands your trust in everything.

I believe we all need both HOPE and FAITH to survive in this world. Without HOPE how can you have dreams, and without FAITH how can you accept that our lives are set in a motion that we can not completely control.

I have HOPE that my family will grow and be strong and healthy. I have FAITH that God will guide my life in the direction that it's meant to go. That if Tyson is our only child then I will love him with all my heart and soul and forever feel blessed for having him in my life. I have HOPE that nothing bad will ever come to my family and I have FAITH that God will always be there, protecting and loving.

Advice

I know many women don't like hearing advice from someone else, but some do. I wish I had more when starting on this journey, but for now my journey is over. I know that a lot of women are still going through theirs or are just starting out, so I though I would share some advice that I would have liked to hear before going through this. This is my opinion only, from my experiences, nothing more than that. 

1. My first piece of advice would be to make sure you have a strong support system. The hardest part about going through this is feeling so isolated if your trying to keep it from people around you. Because of where I live and work, I did not want everyone knowing what was going on in our personal lives. Because of this, I did not have many people that I could talk to. It was hard not to have someone to share everything with and to just talk to. Of course I had my husband, but men just don't seem to understand  the way another women does. 

2. Try to find someone that has already been through this process. I would have loved to have been able to really talk to someone about their experience going through IVF and what I might be able to expect from the process. I tried to join a few fertility support groups online, but they just seemed so impersonal. Dozens of women typing back and forth, but never really ever knowing the other person. I finally gave up because I could not keep up posting on everyone else's comments and so I got ignored. Unless you are willing to write a message to every women on that particular sight, you get overlooked and cast aside. At least that was my experience. 

3. Know that it is going to be one of the craziest emotional roller coasters you have ever been on and accept your feelings. Let yourself get nervous, scared, happy, excited or even sad. Don't let anyone tell you how your suppose to feel, allow your body to process what it's feeling and hopefully find a way to share those feeling with someone else that will not judge you. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was to always hear "well you should feel........." along this process. Why wasn't it ever alright for me to just feel the way I was. Especially now, why isn't it alright for me to just feel sad. Why do I have to "look on the brighter side" or "know that everything happens for a reason" and my favorite "you should be happy that you did what you could." Those don't help, trust me. Just let me feel the way I am and be supportive. 

4. Know that each medication comes with it's own side effects. The weeks of medications, injections and suppositories you have to take prior to your retrieval and transfer will make you emotional, nauseous, give you a headache and make you really tired. Keep in mind that those medications are making your body produce more follicles and grow more eggs than it was ever intended to do in a single month. It takes a lot out of you so allow yourself time to rest. Eat lots of healthy foods and drink plenty of water. Let others help you because there will be days your just too tired to do it on your own. 

5. Egg retrieval is a scary part of the process. Most women will be lucky enough to be asleep during the actual procedure, but it is still a scary thing to go through. Make sure you prepare a place to go home and rest ahead of time. There's nothing worse then being groggy and in pain then having to go home and find pillows, blankets and whatever else you may need to get comfortable in bed or on the couch. Know where you want to be before you get home and have it ready so you can just go right in and lay down. Make sure you have something to throw up in close by. The medication they give you can make you sick, along with the pain and discomfort from the procedure. You are not going to want to run to the bathroom, so make sure it is handy just in case.  Also make sure there is someone home with you that can take care of you for the day. Getting you something to eat and drink. Have plenty of Gatorade or sport drink that you like on hand. The electrolytes will help you get back to feeling good again faster. 

5 1/2 If you are awake during the procedure know that it is going to hurt. Sorry but I'm not going to sugar coat it. They will be placing a large needle through your virginal wall into your ovaries, it's not going to feel pretty. Know that it will hurt, prepare yourself as much as possible so that when it does hurt, you can keep as calm as possible. Moving during the procedure is dangerous so you need to be able to deal with the pain in any way that keeps you from moving. If it is possible to have someone hold your hand, even a nurse if your husband or partner can not be there, ask. I know having the nurses hold my hands made a huge difference. 

6. Celebrate your hard work and try and let yourself relax after it is over. You have done everything that you could, there is nothing more for you to do for the next few days besides wait. Make sure you and your husband or partner use this time to just be together. Do something fun together and know that your embryos are safe and growing. I say to celebrate your hard work because the road to IVF is a very long one. No one goes in one day and says "hey, I think doing IVF next week would be fun." It is a very long process and it takes a huge emotional toll. Now that your retrieval is over, celebrate everything that you have done together to get to this point. Realize that this step is just as important as a positive pregnancy result, it was work to get here and you have done it! 

7. Egg transfer isn't something to fear. Going in to my egg transfer I was surprised how scared I really was. I mean everything that we had worked months for had come down to this one day. I was alone without my husband and I was scared. Thankfully I found someone who could be my support and it helped immensely. Don't take this day for granted, try to make sure your husband or partner can be with you. This is the day you might get pregnant after all and in any normal since of the process, you wouldn't be alone.  After it is over, relax as much as you can, drink lots of water and eat healthy. Know that your job for the most part is not in your hands. 

8. The two week wait. The only thing I can suggest during this time is don't do anything that you might regret later. If the blood work comes back negative, the first thing you will most likely do is the "what ifs." During that two week wait don't make any unnecessary what ifs for yourself. Don't drink, smoke, lift heavy objects, run a marathon or exercise heavily. Don't drink lots of coffee or take any unprescribed medications. If you get sick, take care of yourself and see your doctor. If you do everything you can to keep your body healthy and relaxed  then there will be no what ifs to beat yourself up over. Also, don't take the home pregnancy test no matter how hard the struggle is not to. I know there right there handy, but if your HPT comes back positive and your Bata test come back negative, then your world can come crashing down fast and it makes it all the more difficult. As you know I say this from experience. I really wish I had never taken that test, my hopes wouldn't have been so high and I wouldn't have been so blindsided with that phone call.

9. If you get a positive result CELEBRATE!!! Be happy, be overjoyed and know that you did an amazing thing. You got pregnant and you deserve every bit of happiness. In my case when I did get pregnant I was unable to keep that baby. Our baby's heartbeat stopped and I was left empty handed, but when I was pregnant I celebrated that I was every day. I know that I loved our child and that there was nothing I did to cause it. Again don't make any what ifs. Celebrate and know that you have another life growing inside of you and it is your job to care for that life. 

10. If you get a negative result. My best advice is to allow yourself to feel however your body wants. If you want to stay positive and know that it's not the end then embrace that. Make sure others around you are only allowed positive things to be said. Tell them that you know it's not the end, don't let anyone make you feel bad if you are lucky enough to have a positive attitude. 

If you want to feel sad, then it's ok to be sad. Cry and for as long as you want. Don't let the sadness consume you, but know that it's alright to be sad. Let others around you help you to feel supported but don't let anyone tell you that you feel something that you don't.

11. When the process is over good or bad, take time to recognize everything that you went through. Take time as a couple to know that it was a long emotional journey and that it's over. You got through it together and that is a huge accomplishment. If your like me and are not quite done yet, then still allow yourself the time to recognize what you have done before trying to figure out what's next. 

I hope this helps anyone going through this process. I wish I could help more, but at the moment I am in between trying to realize everything that we have been through and figuring out where to go from here. This past year has been unbelievably difficult and I need to take some time to allow my body to accept what it has been through. To allow my emotions to play out and maybe then I can figure out where to go from here. Until then I will still be praying for everyone to have positive results!!