Beta test and Results

The day before we left Korea, I returned to the doctor one last time for my beta test. Before going in to get poked with one last needle, we were called in to talk to the doctor. She wanted to see how I was feeling since the transfer and say her goodbyes to us. It was so hard not to break down and cry right there in her office. I have never been good with goodbyes, but this was even more difficult. We had become really close to our doctor and the nurses who had worked so hard with us over the past year to try and help grow our family. How do you say thank you enough for something like that.

After leaving her office we walked to the other side of the room so I could get my blood drawn. The nurse was very nice and explained first that it was still very early and that the test may not show anything at this time. She then started to draw my blood however missed my vein, repeatedly!! I wish so much that once someone missed, that they would just start over. There is nothing I hate more then having them wiggle the needle around trying to get the vein back! 

Finally after what seemed like forever, she finally took the needle out, apologized profusely and started over, trying to find a vein on the back of my hand. While that area hurt a little more, she was able to get it on the first try. 

After leaving our phone number with her and being told that she would call in about four hours, we left the fertility hospital for the last time. I could not help but to cry most of the way home knowing that I was also saying goodbye to our 8 little frozen embryos that had to stay behind. Knowing that they are being well cared for and knowing that we are all going to work hard at trying to find a way to get them back to the US was the only way I could force myself to walk away from them. Although thinking about them still makes me very emotional. 

The next few hours seemed so much longer then the days since the transfer. Knowing that one phone call was going to tell us if our hard work over the past year was worth it, or if we were leaving behind possibilities and dreams, it was almost unbearable. 

To make matters worse, Jeff told me the day before that he did not want to know the answer ether way. That he was stressed enough with getting home and he could not handle the idea of leaving if it did not work. So I agreed to wait until after we were back in our own house to tell him. Thankfully I had my wonderful friend to share the news with so that I was not alone.

To my surprise the hospital called after only a few hours. As soon as I saw the number pop up on the phone, I went into the other room where I knew Jeff would not be able to hear me. I was surprised just how scared I was to answer the phone, but once I did, our favorite nurses voice came over the line and calmed me down. She wanted to say her goodbyes to us since she was too busy while we were there. Then she handed the phone to the doctor. Because the doctor had NEVER talked to us over the phone, I knew the news would not be good. She told us again how sad she was to see us go, and that she had to call us herself with the news that we ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!! I made her repeat it over and over until if finally sunk in because it is not the answer that I was expecting. She told us that she made them rush my test first and that she was so excited when she got the results and had to call herself. Even though we are only 12 days past ovulation and 6 days past our transfer of 5 day frozen embryos, my beta level came back as 35!! At first I was really nervous that it was such a low number, but my doctor was very reassuring that it was a strong number for this early. She also told me that if I was able to go to the doctor, I should have my levels redrawn 48 hours from now to make sure the number is rising. She also told me to try and get an ultrasound by July 13 to make sure there was a strong heartbeat or heartbeats!! Hear I was thinking that 35 was a low number and she was explaining that I still have a high chance of carrying more then one baby!! I pray that this is true, but I will be happy and blessed if we only have one. 

After finally hanging up the phone I had to compose myself before going in to help cook lunch with Jeff. I had no idea how I was not going to run in there and blurt it out, let alone not have it read all over my face. So, I walked into the kitchen and didn't say anything. I helped him cook, made sure not to smile and after eating, went back to packing. It was excruciating, but I managed not to tell him. 

Thankfully though I did have the other person who has been there every step of this process with us to tell. When she finally got back to the dorm several hours after I found out, I told her to come right to my room. Before giving her the news I sent Jeff away and Tyson in the shower. I also asked her to get rid of the needles that I had been using because I didn't want to just throw them into the trash. After collecting them for her, I told her that I was so happy to leave on a happy note because I was PREGNANT!!!! As soon as I got the words out she started to cry and gave me a huge hug. We both stood there, holding each other and crying for what seemed like forever. (But never long enough) Finally after over 6 years of trying and one year spent working so hard, we are finally pregnant!! I honestly couldn't imagine anything better then being able to share this news with her before having to say goodbye. Despite starting out with happy tears from wonderful news, the tears quickly turned to ones of pain. Having to say goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. How do you say goodbye to someone who has become not just a friend, but apart of your family!! I felt like I was saying goodbye to my sister, someone who I loved and someone who I knew I may never see in person again. My heart was happy, but so sad at the same time. 

Before leaving I had written her a note that said almost everything that I wanted to say to her, knowing that I could never get it out in person. Our last day out in Deagu I gave it to her. It simply stated that I could never thank her enough for everything that she had done for us and how sad I was to say goodbye. In the letter I told her that I could never thank her enough and when I tried to think of something to give her for all that she had done, nothing seemed to be enough. Finally after many long nights of talking, I finally asked Jeff if I could ask her to help us by giving our baby or babies their middle name. She is so much of the reason why I am pregnant right now and to make sure she knew how much she really and truly is involved, we want her help in giving them a Korean name so that they know where they were conceived and who helped bring them into the world.

So the goodbyes are done, we are back home and we are PREGNANT!!!! I will make another post to tell you how I ended up telling Jeff that he is going to be a Daddy again! Until then, I have lots of cleaning, unpacking and resting to do.  I will also be praying for our friends who will be getting their beta test results tomorrow!!