Advice

I know many women don't like hearing advice from someone else, but some do. I wish I had more when starting on this journey, but for now my journey is over. I know that a lot of women are still going through theirs or are just starting out, so I though I would share some advice that I would have liked to hear before going through this. This is my opinion only, from my experiences, nothing more than that. 

1. My first piece of advice would be to make sure you have a strong support system. The hardest part about going through this is feeling so isolated if your trying to keep it from people around you. Because of where I live and work, I did not want everyone knowing what was going on in our personal lives. Because of this, I did not have many people that I could talk to. It was hard not to have someone to share everything with and to just talk to. Of course I had my husband, but men just don't seem to understand  the way another women does. 

2. Try to find someone that has already been through this process. I would have loved to have been able to really talk to someone about their experience going through IVF and what I might be able to expect from the process. I tried to join a few fertility support groups online, but they just seemed so impersonal. Dozens of women typing back and forth, but never really ever knowing the other person. I finally gave up because I could not keep up posting on everyone else's comments and so I got ignored. Unless you are willing to write a message to every women on that particular sight, you get overlooked and cast aside. At least that was my experience. 

3. Know that it is going to be one of the craziest emotional roller coasters you have ever been on and accept your feelings. Let yourself get nervous, scared, happy, excited or even sad. Don't let anyone tell you how your suppose to feel, allow your body to process what it's feeling and hopefully find a way to share those feeling with someone else that will not judge you. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was to always hear "well you should feel........." along this process. Why wasn't it ever alright for me to just feel the way I was. Especially now, why isn't it alright for me to just feel sad. Why do I have to "look on the brighter side" or "know that everything happens for a reason" and my favorite "you should be happy that you did what you could." Those don't help, trust me. Just let me feel the way I am and be supportive. 

4. Know that each medication comes with it's own side effects. The weeks of medications, injections and suppositories you have to take prior to your retrieval and transfer will make you emotional, nauseous, give you a headache and make you really tired. Keep in mind that those medications are making your body produce more follicles and grow more eggs than it was ever intended to do in a single month. It takes a lot out of you so allow yourself time to rest. Eat lots of healthy foods and drink plenty of water. Let others help you because there will be days your just too tired to do it on your own. 

5. Egg retrieval is a scary part of the process. Most women will be lucky enough to be asleep during the actual procedure, but it is still a scary thing to go through. Make sure you prepare a place to go home and rest ahead of time. There's nothing worse then being groggy and in pain then having to go home and find pillows, blankets and whatever else you may need to get comfortable in bed or on the couch. Know where you want to be before you get home and have it ready so you can just go right in and lay down. Make sure you have something to throw up in close by. The medication they give you can make you sick, along with the pain and discomfort from the procedure. You are not going to want to run to the bathroom, so make sure it is handy just in case.  Also make sure there is someone home with you that can take care of you for the day. Getting you something to eat and drink. Have plenty of Gatorade or sport drink that you like on hand. The electrolytes will help you get back to feeling good again faster. 

5 1/2 If you are awake during the procedure know that it is going to hurt. Sorry but I'm not going to sugar coat it. They will be placing a large needle through your virginal wall into your ovaries, it's not going to feel pretty. Know that it will hurt, prepare yourself as much as possible so that when it does hurt, you can keep as calm as possible. Moving during the procedure is dangerous so you need to be able to deal with the pain in any way that keeps you from moving. If it is possible to have someone hold your hand, even a nurse if your husband or partner can not be there, ask. I know having the nurses hold my hands made a huge difference. 

6. Celebrate your hard work and try and let yourself relax after it is over. You have done everything that you could, there is nothing more for you to do for the next few days besides wait. Make sure you and your husband or partner use this time to just be together. Do something fun together and know that your embryos are safe and growing. I say to celebrate your hard work because the road to IVF is a very long one. No one goes in one day and says "hey, I think doing IVF next week would be fun." It is a very long process and it takes a huge emotional toll. Now that your retrieval is over, celebrate everything that you have done together to get to this point. Realize that this step is just as important as a positive pregnancy result, it was work to get here and you have done it! 

7. Egg transfer isn't something to fear. Going in to my egg transfer I was surprised how scared I really was. I mean everything that we had worked months for had come down to this one day. I was alone without my husband and I was scared. Thankfully I found someone who could be my support and it helped immensely. Don't take this day for granted, try to make sure your husband or partner can be with you. This is the day you might get pregnant after all and in any normal since of the process, you wouldn't be alone.  After it is over, relax as much as you can, drink lots of water and eat healthy. Know that your job for the most part is not in your hands. 

8. The two week wait. The only thing I can suggest during this time is don't do anything that you might regret later. If the blood work comes back negative, the first thing you will most likely do is the "what ifs." During that two week wait don't make any unnecessary what ifs for yourself. Don't drink, smoke, lift heavy objects, run a marathon or exercise heavily. Don't drink lots of coffee or take any unprescribed medications. If you get sick, take care of yourself and see your doctor. If you do everything you can to keep your body healthy and relaxed  then there will be no what ifs to beat yourself up over. Also, don't take the home pregnancy test no matter how hard the struggle is not to. I know there right there handy, but if your HPT comes back positive and your Bata test come back negative, then your world can come crashing down fast and it makes it all the more difficult. As you know I say this from experience. I really wish I had never taken that test, my hopes wouldn't have been so high and I wouldn't have been so blindsided with that phone call.

9. If you get a positive result CELEBRATE!!! Be happy, be overjoyed and know that you did an amazing thing. You got pregnant and you deserve every bit of happiness. In my case when I did get pregnant I was unable to keep that baby. Our baby's heartbeat stopped and I was left empty handed, but when I was pregnant I celebrated that I was every day. I know that I loved our child and that there was nothing I did to cause it. Again don't make any what ifs. Celebrate and know that you have another life growing inside of you and it is your job to care for that life. 

10. If you get a negative result. My best advice is to allow yourself to feel however your body wants. If you want to stay positive and know that it's not the end then embrace that. Make sure others around you are only allowed positive things to be said. Tell them that you know it's not the end, don't let anyone make you feel bad if you are lucky enough to have a positive attitude. 

If you want to feel sad, then it's ok to be sad. Cry and for as long as you want. Don't let the sadness consume you, but know that it's alright to be sad. Let others around you help you to feel supported but don't let anyone tell you that you feel something that you don't.

11. When the process is over good or bad, take time to recognize everything that you went through. Take time as a couple to know that it was a long emotional journey and that it's over. You got through it together and that is a huge accomplishment. If your like me and are not quite done yet, then still allow yourself the time to recognize what you have done before trying to figure out what's next. 

I hope this helps anyone going through this process. I wish I could help more, but at the moment I am in between trying to realize everything that we have been through and figuring out where to go from here. This past year has been unbelievably difficult and I need to take some time to allow my body to accept what it has been through. To allow my emotions to play out and maybe then I can figure out where to go from here. Until then I will still be praying for everyone to have positive results!!